May 2016 Real Estate: Top Transactions

The following property sales were recorded in the Jefferson County Clerk’s Office during the month of March:

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March 2016 Feature Story: Fear of Failure

Fight back against your fear of failure

By Joleene Moody, NNY Business

Failure has long been defined as the final result of an expectation that unfolds in a way that makes us feel defeated or unworthy. For many, coming back from defeat is difficult. To avoid further humiliation, we mark ourselves as failures and hide from the world. We are wounded, to say the least. We no longer believe in ourselves, nor do we want to. Because of this, we are less likely to try whatever it was we failed at in the first place.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all wanted out. So how and where do we begin to fight the fear of failure? Is it even possible to defeat? Thea Durant, a mental health counselor at Carthage Area Hospital Behavioral Health, said it can be kicked.

“Failure can help us grow,” she said. “It’s not always a bad thing. I think starting with a small step to see how we can increase our confidence a little bit is a good beginning. Empowerment activities can help us see what we’ve accomplished, too. Sometimes we don’t even realize what our accolades are.”

One such empowerment activity is listing the things we’ve done that we consider successes, even the little ones. We are so conditioned to focus on all the things that have gone wrong, that we rarely recall all the things that have gone right. Dan Childers, a licensed clinical social worker at Upstate Health Services in Watertown and Central Square, said this phenomenon of keeping a scorecard on our failures usually develops at a young age.

“It can start in our early years in school,” he said. “We see another student with more friends or better grades and we feel we aren’t as good as they are. Or maybe we were picked on. Whatever the experience, it grows with us. But the truth is, it’s never a failure if we learn from it. And we need to learn from it.”

Ms. Durant and Mr. Childers agree that failure is part of the journey toward success and without it, we wouldn’t know what success really felt like.

“We have to learn what it is we don’t want,” Ms. Durant said. “Take a relationship, for example. We have to learn what it is we don’t want in a partner. There are qualities we like and qualities we don’t like. We won’t know what we like until we experience the whole spectrum.”

One of the struggles in failure is how we think people will respond to us. Humiliation is often the first emotion that surfaces, causing us to retreat and withdraw. Interestingly, during that withdrawal, we forget that the rest of the world is no different than we are.

“What you feel in that moment is the same thing they felt at one time,” Ms. Durant said. “We have to remember, too, everyone has an opinion, weather it’s good, bad, or otherwise. What matters most is how you think of yourself. It takes a lot to accept ourselves. We all have flaws and we all make mistakes. But if we don’t take chances we may never know what’s in store for us. So we have to love ourselves through it all, even when we have a so called failure.”

There’s no doubt that others will feed off our pain as we struggle to love ourselves back to success. This happens when the other party is in as much pain, perhaps for different reasons. They want us to feel the same way they feel, and so they put our failures front and center.

“Failures stand out more to us,” Ms. Durant said. “The things that people like to take jabs at are the things we’ve messed up on. Not the things that we’ve accomplished. The only way to change that is to change the company we keep. When you’re around negative people, they have nothing positive to say and everything is always wrong. Why are they being negative? [Perhaps it’s] because they are struggling with something in their life and projecting their frustration on to you.”

And the feeling of failure comes full circle. Fortunately, it is an innate response that can be turned around, provided we change the way we look at it. Failure should no longer be defined as lack of success. Instead, it should be defined as a piece of the puzzle as we move toward success. After all, no successful person ever got where they are without failing a little bit first.

March 2016 Feature Story: Mental Funk

Overcome your ‘mental funk’ and soar

Dan Childers, a mental health counselor for Upstate Health Services  in Syracuse and Watertown, in his Watertown office. Photo by Amanda Morrison, NNY Business.

Dan Childers, a mental health counselor for Upstate Health Services
in Syracuse and Watertown, in his Watertown office. Photo by Amanda Morrison, NNY Business.

By Joleene Moody, NNY Business

If you’ve ever had a day or a series of days or even months when crawling out of bed was difficult, you join the ranks of thousands of women just like you. You wear a mask so the world doesn’t see your struggle. You smile when you don’t want to and laugh when you’d rather cry. You’re trapped in a mental funk and it seems like there’s no way out. [Read more…]